The "In-Between"

Proverbs 24:12 - If you say, "Behold, we did not know this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?  Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?

It is crazy to me that we have been home & our "in-between" time has been almost 7 weeks. Part of me feels every day of this wait and another part is thankful that it happens to be a very busy season in our lives with ministry & summer in general...therefore making it seem to pass quickly. All in all, God has used this time to begin to peel the layers back from all that he was teaching us on our 1st trip. I still haven't processed through it all, but there are some things that have been revealed thus far. 

On our flight over to Ethiopia, Cole began reading David Platt's (rockstar preacher) new book, Follow Me.  I have not had the privilege of reading it yet, but there was something that struck Cole while reading Francis Chan's (another rock star preacher:) foreward. Francis Chan discussed how we, as Americans, pride ourselves with sitting through a church service & feeling "convicted."  We will say things to each other like, "that sermon really convicted me," or "God really convicted me in such a such an area today."  I believe the Bible is clear that conviction is from the Holy Spirit.  I experience it myself quite often.  However, Francis Chan makes a good point in saying that rarely when we receive "conviction" is there any action that follows. Whoa.  I am not sure if this is rocking you the way it did me, but I cannot get it out of my mind. It's huge, really. Is there really any point in conviction without action? There's not. It's not the way The Lord intended it to be.  Conviction is when something is revealed to us that we didn't realize before, and we can no longer say as the verse above says, "we did not know this." Conviction should bring about change...immediate change.  But...it doesn't always in so many of our lives...myself included.  We walk out of that church service and get in the way...we justify it away...sometimes even in discussing it with other beleivers to make ourselves feel better. It's sin.  Check out the way Francis Chan puts it... 

"I see a trend in many churches where people are beginning to enjoy convicting sermons. They walk out feeling broken over their sin.  The distorted part is that they can begin to feel victorious in their sadness.  They boast, "I just heard the most convicting message, and it ruined me!"  The focus is on the conviction itself and not the change it is meant to produce--change that doesn't necessarily follow when we stay focused on conviction."  Wow, right? 

Well, as we left Ethiopia, I still had this ringing in my ears, and while there a passionate follower of Jesus that I was blesse to meet, Michelle (girl on one of the Ordinary Hero missions trips), shared a verse that meant a lot to her at dinner with everyone one night. It was the verse above...Proverbs 24:12.  It spoke to me. After hearing this verse, I was convinced God was trying to get through to me as it went directly along with the whole conviction without action deal. It is so precious to me when God gives me these moments & glimpses of him & what He calls me to.  So, all of that to say that I am striving to die to not taking action when the Holy Spirit convicts and to truly live for action and laying down or changing whatever God is calling me to...immediately.  We came back knowing that we needed to make some changes. We could not come back and go back to "life as we knew it" after seeing what we had seen and after experiencing what God had privileged us to experience.  I am still praying and asking for these changes and the action we need to take to be revealed, and I am confident in time that it will be. 

Peace.  Something that I have experienced on different levels before, but this "in-between" time has brought it to a whole other level.  I am talking about the kind that surpasses all understanding. The kind I referenced in my last post in Philippians 4. I have found that it's not possible to experience this kind of peace unless the circumstances are tough. You have to put yourself out there.  Well, coming home, the circumstances were tough, and I am so excited to say that beautiful peace resulted.  Not a lot of anxiety or worry...but peace. It is so beautiful because it is so not of ourselves and so obviously God.  I mentioned in my last post that I felt God warning me not to make our son, Micai, an idol. I believe that the choice of striving for thankfulness (it was a battle at times) has kept me from this. God promises that the peace that surpasses all understanding will result, and it did.  What a beautiful gift. I am so thankful to be able to experience God in this way, and had we not had to leave I wouldn't have. God truly works for the good in ALL things (Romans 8:28). So very thankful. 

I thought I would close out with some fun pictures of the "in-between."  These made the wait so much better as Jesus worked through so many to encourage :) 

I finally got our COMPLETE family up on the wall :) I cannot express the joy that came over me when I added Cai's picture to the wall...still smiling :) 

An unexpected gift that moved me to tears from a precious friend :) She framed the picture of us meeting Micai for the 1st time.  Crazy thoughtful & special!  The frame reads... "when they placed you in my arms, you slipped into my heart."  Now you can see why there were tears :) 

This was a gift from my mom for the 17 hour flight home. This meant more than she'll ever know. Thanks, Mom!

My "Micai" charm. This was a gift from some precious friends that have been praying for Micai since before he was born. They have walked through this with me. Can't possibly put into words how much these girls and their thoughtfulness means to me! 

Kasen & Cai's room!  This room has such a story. When we 1st moved in this was a toy room. My heart ached as it was going to be a baby room but after 2 miscarriages, we made it the toy room. God brought beauty from the ashes & now there are 2 cribs!!!  I stood in amazement when we got Cai's crib in...beautiful tears of awe & joy :) Only Jesus :) It was so much bigger than I knew.  

We are so VERY blessed & thankful for all of the ways The Lord has used the "in-between" to shape & mold us into His image :) And the story the Lord has already written for us continues to unfold...