Cole's Blog Debut...

Hello, all my blog peeps out there!  Just kidding. I have never blogged before. I would like to take a whack at this! I love Jesus, my Godly wife and best friend, Kristi, and our 3 amazing children.  I desire to live my life in view of the Gospel, love God, love people and make disciples.  I have failed so often at this. I am so thankful that Jesus, fully God and fully man, came as a miracle, lived a perfect life, died a sacrificial death, defeated the grave, and is ruling as King! What an amazing journey this adoption has been! It has reminded me over and over again of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Kristi and I are so thankful that we have been adopted as children of God (John 1:12)! That God separated himself from His son for a period of time so that we would have forgiveness of sin. "That if you confess with our mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). This verse is so rich, because if we really believe in our hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead, it will change us forever!  We will see Jesus as our authority and king. We will respond in faith and repentance, walking toward God and further and further away from sin. 

The adoption process has reminded me of this and that walking toward God is a promise that we will suffer, but it will be for our good, conforming us to likeness of Jesus. (Romans 8:28-29)  As I also have reflected this week on Ephesians 1: 1-14, I am thankful that He chose me to be adopted as his son through Jesus Christ! There is nothing I have done to earn this...I definitely don't deserve it. I am saved by grace!

Throughout this adoption journey of bringing Cai home God has been faithful (in spite of us) and will remain faithful to His promises. What a journey!  I must say how amazing it has been to go through this with Kristi. Watching her love for God and desire to make disciples as a mom has been an overwhelming blessing from God and has made me a better man. Thank you, Jesus, for your work in her!

The great command in Matthew 28:19 is to "make disciples of all nations..."  We desire to parent in a way that we make disciplemakers by the power of Jesus and his Spirit at work in us. How cool that one of our children is from Ethiopia!

I hope that Cai can someday understand how God has used his life...before he was even born...to impact my life for Jesus in such an amazing way. He is a miracle! This week alone my prayer life has grown as I continue to think, "I can't afford to not pray." The enemy has tried to influence us, but God in his faithfulness has used it for good.  As I look at Cai, as well as Kenzi and Kasen, it is such a reminder of what God has done. Cai is a reminder of His work in: 2 miscarriages and infertility, providing all our needs (God worked through incredible people to provide and/or pray for the adoption), an example and testimony to Kenzi & Kasen (Kenzi has prayed so much for Cai and the adoption process), connection to another nation, trust in waiting, and growth in Jesus! What a gift he is!

Today was another sweet day of connecting with Cai yet missing Kenzi and Kasen so very much!  Thankful for the this time here but can't wait to have our family together!  So thankful to God for all of the prayer and encouragement for our family! Here are some pics from today (Kristi is attaching pictures and giving the commentary)....

I got a little camera happy and attempted a little impromptu photo shoot of him on the bed :) 

I don't have to work too hard to get this boy to smile :)

Caught him in a giggle! 

You can see that I couldn't get enough...

2 of my 3 boys...precious moment.  Can't wait to get a pic of all 3 of them.



We are so VERY blessed!

Breakthrough!

James 4:7-8 - Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. 

First off, thank you so much to all of you that were lifting us up in prayer...especially these last few days.  I cannot begin to possibly communicate just how much this means to us, as we know how powerful prayer is.  We have felt them across the world.  Only God can do that. 

The last few days have been heavy as you have seen in my last couple of posts.  Cole and I spent some time last night in authoritative prayer.  It was a rich time.  We are well aware that the enemy absolutely hates what we are doing and have both felt attacked in different ways since we have been here.  We also know that the Lord has equipped us to handle the battle.  As the verse above says...Submit yourselves to God...resist the devil...draw near to God...  Isn't it so comforting to know that Christ advises us on how to handle the darkness and push back from the enemy in our lives.  All we have to do is open his word.  It is power, life, and a weapon for us.  Christ has already won the battle...AMEN.

I am so happy to report that the theme of our day would be "Breakthrough Day!"  Yay!!!  As I said yesterday, we were starting to see some baby steps to maybe him warming up to us after his nap yesterday afternoon.  This was just the encouragment that we needed after an overwhelming and draining morning with him.  This carried over to today, and I would definitely say today was an epic breakthrough.  Words that come to mind to sum Micai up today...happy.  smiles.  laughter.  contentment.  safe.  connected.  My heart is so full writing this!  What a powerful answer to prayer!  God is just so good to us.  It was like that laid back and full of joy and peace boy was back...the boy that we first saw in the orphanage on our first trip.  I had almost forgotten his personality and how happy he was when we first met him 2 months ago.  It just felt like something lifted today.  He even looks at us differently...eyes full of warmth and joy...not confusion and discomfort.  God created me to be such a relational person, and this was a HUGE day of encouragement for me.  Praise God!       

We were blessed to spend the day traveling and touring the Lifesong Schools in Ziway and Adami Tulu.  What amazing and powerful things the Lord is doing at these schools.  It's so encouraging to see how the Lord is moving mightily through this ministry.  We are so thankful for Lifesong as God used this ministry in our lives to help bring Micai home.  They are in the trenches, and God is honoring their obedience.  He is providing for the least of these and His name is being glorified.  Really really in awe of this ministry.

It was also so amazing to get out of Addis into the countryside of Ethiopia.  It is breathtakingly beautiful outside of Addis.  It was about a 3 hour trip there and 3 hour trip back.  We were blessed to have Bissy, the Ordinary Hero guest house manager accompany us along with our driver Getcho.  Both of these men love the Lord.  Cole would agree that Bissy has the most powerful testimony that I have ever heard.  Talk about a man on fire for the gospel and dedicating his life to share it.  So inspired by the ways the Lord is using him and his absolute obedience and thankfulness to God regardless of his circumstances.  We felt very sharpened and encouraged to be in community with him today.  Also, can you believe that Cai did so well even though we were traveling???  I said to Cole, "this is like a totally different baby today."  Really and truly a miracle.  We are so blessed that the Lord showed us mercy in having such an enjoyable day with him :)  Precious precious boy.

Here's a glimpse into our day and do take note of the smiles! ...

A precious moment & true breakthrough...cuddles and smiles on the way.  

He seriously cuddled with me forever.  So worth the wait :)  

This one steals my heart :)  Those eyes...so warm and different today.  Thank you, Lord.

Beautiful countryside outside of Addis...

Lifesong school in Ziway.  Beautiful school...beautiful work for the Lord...

Cole, Cai and I with Bissy (left), Gary, missionary in Ziway (next to me), and Getcho, our driver (far right)

Cole is officially the baby whisperer...seriously.  Cai lost it at one point due to missing his nap. I wasn't cutting it, so Cole put him into position and off he went to sleep.  He has done this with all of our kids...he is such a blessing to me.  Love seeing him be a daddy.

2 random boys outside of our van at a random stop.  I had to capture their cuteness to share it with you.

Long story, but at this random stop a bunch of kids ended up inside our van.  I took their pictures as I know they love this.  I showed them this one after I took it and they burst into laughter...love the warmth of the children in Ethiopia.  So so joyful...and not because of "stuff."

More smiles!

And I found a tickle spot.  He couldn't stop laughing.  His giggles melt me.

  
   What a blessed day from the Lord!  So thankful for the joy and peace he blessed our Micai with today.  Such an answer to ours and your prayers.  Thank you for covering us.  Can't wait to have our WHOLE family together!  3 more days!!!  Love you Kenzi and Kasen!!!     

Baby Steps

2 Chronicles 20:12 - We don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you. 

When I originally began this blog, I felt very compelled to portray things in a real way.  I feel that social media has us portraying only the great stuff, and while I am a huge fan of positivity, it's just not the reality of all of our lives.  I wouldn't be portraying a truthful picture if I acted like this whole deal is/was perfect.  I WILL say that adopting has been one of the most beautiful things that we have ever experienced.  However, I knew that it would not always be roses, and today, it wasn't.  This morning was a hard morning.  Yesterday was hard too.  We are at the peak of exhaustion.  We have had a more difficult time adjusting to the time difference this time, and almost every morning there have been Muslim chants.  No exaggeration, but this morning they started at 2:30am and went on nearly all day as it is a Muslim holiday today...awesome...not really.  We miss our other two kiddos so much!  In the midst of a rough moment today, I said through my tears to the Lord, "this is so hard."  Immediately, the above verse came to my head.  We don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you.  It's ok not to know what to do...God does.  We are being so drawn to Jesus through this as we are constantly asking Him what we should do.  A bit convicting too, as I should be doing this more frequently with Kenzi and Kasen...constantly asking God to guide us in the moments of the day.  Bottom line, God has chosen us to be Cai's parents, so he is and will continue to equip us.  It's all about HIM in us. 

Micai is absolutely precious, but he continues to mourn all that has been lost, and I am mourning with him...it breaks my heart.  This morning pretty much consisted of Cole and I switching off holding him while he fussed and cried.  We can't take his hurt away, and it's so hard.  However, God continues to remind me that going through this process is so much bigger than what we can see.  Cai is learning to seek us as comfort.  He has someone responding to him on a consistent basis when he is in need.  There is permanency and consistency in his life in regards to a caregiver.  All of these things he is learning, and I am so privileged that God picked us to go through this heartbreaking process with him.  God is shaping and shepherding our hearts to be the parents that he needs.  Again, he is and will equip us.  We are never alone.    

On a positive note, he is healing well, and after a good nap today, he was doing much better.  So thankful to the Lord for the encouragment.  We are getting more smiles!  Before he just kind of looked at us like, "who are you people, again?" :)  He is starting to respond to the fun baby games that we all play with babies...so fun!  We were also so blessed to find the cereal that they were putting in his bottle at the orphanage at a supermarket down the street while on a walk this evening.  He fell asleep on me too...loved!  God is so faithful, and gave us the encouragement and baby steps of bonding that we were so longing to see tonight.  He also drank his bottle before bed tonight with the same brand of cereal they used at the orphanage in it, and I have never seen the boy happier after drinking his bottle, and he also finished it!  Think it was a little taste of familiar for him that he was needing :)

We are also noticing that he gets so tired so quickly.  Before I was thinking it was because he was sick, but I think it is really due to the fact that he is used to being in his crib for the majority of his day.  While at the orphanage, we noticed that unless they were being fed or changed, the babies were usually either in their cribs or outside of them laying on a cushion.  Honestly, I think we are kind of exhausting to him.  We play with him, talk to him, make him do tummy time, and he's tired :)  I told Cole today, it's just too bad for him that he got two parents that are athletes :)  Baby steps...he will get there, and so will we :)

We are super excited to be going to a school that Lifesong for Orphans has in Ziway, Ethiopia tomorrow!  Lifesong is an AMAZING ministry that helped us raise the money needed for the adoption.  We are so excited to see all that God is doing there!  

Last but not least, I will end with some pics of our day...I know he has some grandmas and friends at home that live for these :) ...

Kicked off the morning in a little walker that the guest house had and Cole had him smiling for just a bit :) 



Getting ready to venture out to a store after his nap

A pic of the three of us before we went out

He is loving playing (untying the laces) with these sweet Jordan's that I got him at the KCC (consignment sale) this past Spring 

He fell asleep on me during our walk tonight.  I'm just a little wrapped around his finger...just a little :)

Random, but check out the logo on this cup...look familiar???  Let me introduce you to the Starbuck's of Ethiopia...Kaldi!  How funny is that?  Yes, please!  Love us some Kaldi!

   

  

I cannot thank you all enough for the encouragment and for taking the journey with us! 

  

     

Mourning What Has Been Lost

Isaiah 42:16 - And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them.  I will trun the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.  These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. 

We were blessed that Micai slept so well last night!  He was up once because we had to give him his medicine, but other than that he slept great.  We had a rough night as we were up trying to get a flight finalized to get home.  This morning, the Lord totally answered our prayers and provided us with just the right flight at just the right time at just the right price :).  It seriously was a miracle to us as flights have been so insane to get to the U.S. right now.  They are really booked, expensive, and also maybe a little crazy due to all of the terrorist threats going on in all of the surrounding countries.  However, we are so blessed that everything is so peaceful in Ethiopia as it has not been affected by any of the threats.

Micai is healing well but is still healing.  Today was a good day, but I am sensing so much uncomfortability from him as he has never spent a night away from the orphanage.  While we are his parents, we are at this point, still 2 strangers to him.  I cannot possibly imagine what he is going through.  Overwhelmed...scared...sad...homesick...I cannot begin to imagine.  While I am so happy that we get to walk him through all of this, my heart just hurts for him.  Last night, we had some issues getting him to sleep.  Cole and I switched off with holding him and walking him around the room.  As I watched Cole with him, I completely lost it and broke down.  Tears are streaming down my face as I write it now.  As I watched Cole and heard Micai crying,  I felt as if I was watching him mourn everything that he has lost.  He has lost everything that he has ever known.  I think that it is the most painful thing I have watched one of our kids go through thus far.  My heart just aches for him.  I was discussing this with Cole just now as I was writing (I had to take a break due to the tears :), and he was reminding me of how this could be such great preparation for the future.  We cannot take away his pain.  And then, I felt the Lord reminding me that we cannot fill his void.  Only the Lord can do that...even now.  A true reminder to constantly pray for the Lord to fill any void in his life...always.  Don't we serve an awesome God? :)

The above verse has also been one that I am clinging to right now...  And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known, I will guide them.  Well, I just happen to feel blind as far as what's to come, and it is definitely a path that we have not known.  What a beautiful promise and a perfect verse. God's word is once again life to us :)  We are never alone...a promise.

We laid low today and only ventured out for just a bit this evening.  Here are some pics of our day...

This picture captures what we are often doing with him when he is fussy...looking out the window :) You'll see why...check out the next pic to see the GORGEOUS view outside our window!

 Awesome, right?!?!?!

Sleepy Cai in sleepier daddy's arms :)

Check out my view at nap time :) Cannot get enough of looking at him while he sleeps.  Melts me every time!

Working with him on getting stronger...tummy time!

Playing with toys that Grandma Harms sent over and I can't help but wonder what he is thinking on this one...too cute!  Maybe, "What is that thing that you keep sticking in my face that flashes?"  He'll get used to that one real fast :)

Oh, and I cannot forget to mention that he officially initiated me into being his mom today :) He pooped in the bath tub, pooped and peed in between diaper changes (that small time when the diaper wasn't on yet), and spit up on me.  I am feeling the love!

Love to you all from Ethiopia!!!  We feel your prayers! 

Gotcha Day!

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you ...

Psalm 112:7 - They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in The Lord.  

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I watch in hope for The Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.  

We got him!!!  Thank you to all of you that called out to The Lord on our behalf!  For those of you that haven't heard, we were fully expecting & anticipating to go straight to the orphanage after landing in Ethiopia yesterday (Aug 5th). We excitedly got off the plane, got our baggage, and were informed by someone from our agency that Micai had some sort of an epidemic...completely blindsided.  While we were blindsided though, there was a calm that came over me as I knew that the Lord wasn't. He alway goes before us. However, not knowing what it was, we were also told that the orphanage did not want him to leave that night. Again, it had never even dawned on me that this could be a possibility. We pulled up to the orphanage, and I felt sick.  We went in to see him and heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe what we saw. Laying in his crib, he looked up at us with the most sick and helpless eyes I have ever seen.  I had imagined this day for so long and now I was experiencing a reality that was the furthest from it. Tears began to fill my eyes and it took everything in me to hold them back. I knew that me becoming a hysterical mess would do the situation no good. With God's strength, I went into "let's be grounded" mode :). We were all in agreement that it was the best decision for him to remain in the orphanage for the night.  We were only able to visit a half hour or so, because it was clear he was ready for bed. Beautiful peace set in as we walked away.  God is so gracious!  The thought that we would not be leaving Africa without him kept comforting me so much. We knew that this was God's timing and that He would see this through. One benefit was that were able to get some much needed rest last night though :)

We woke up this morning with high hopes.  I was reminded in my devotion & other scriptures that God had a plan, we needed to not fear bad news & trust, and that God heard our prayers.  We just needed to keep our eyes on The Lord...to not get overwhelmed by the situation but to just take the next step of obedience. We arrived to find him looking much better than the night before and fever free...praise The Lord!  We were praying for dramatic healing & so many of you were too...thank you!  God is so good!  We stayed the morning with him there, and felt that he was well enough to leave for good with us.  They gave us medicine to continue to give him, which we were so thankful for. We had an Embassy appointment at 1 this afternoon and all went great!  His visa will be ready to pick up tomorrow!  We came back to the guest house and took naps, a bath, & gave him a much needed haircut :). We had dinner with another adopting couple here, who were so great, and then it was clear he was ready for bed again. He is sleeping soundly in his pack and play right now, and we couldn't feel more blessed!  I don't know that it has officially sunk in yet. I just look at him in awe and amazement. While our "gotcha day" didn't go as we had planned, it was in God's complete control.  Still so beautiful and so ordained by our mighty & faithful God. I will close this post with a few pics from our day :)

This is me holding him in our new baby carrier in the orphanage this morning.  He fell alseep, and it was more than a precious moment :)

His first official haircut that we know of :) I know it's a little gross with the hair on the table, but we had to both be involved in the haircut, so it was kind of our only option to capture the moment :)

 And here is the sweet face that napped in our pack and play :) Can't wait to show him off to all of you!

The "Right-Before"

Psalm 62:5 - Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 130:5 - I wait for The Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. 

Isaiah 49:15-16 - ...I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...

We are currently on a plane to Ethiopia!  Here's a pic of us this morning :). We were just a little excited!  

For those of you that want to know... we flew out of Peoria a little after 11 yesterday (Saturday) to Chicago. Had a short layover in Chicago & then flew to New York where we got to spend the night!  Major bonus for me as I have always wanted to go to NYC. We only had the evening so we literally put on our workout gear & ran through the sites in NYC. Had a blast!  Here are some pics of our adventures :)

Let's see...Times Square, Central Park, Today Show, Radio City Music Hall, random pic with characters to show the kids (hilarious), cupcakes at Magnolia's bakery (delish), NYPD car (we have watched many cop shows in the past :), & not pictured is the 9/11 memorial.  We weren't able to get in as it closed at 8...we were so bummed, but we did walk around and see some other memorable things in the area...very touching & amazing. If we go through New York on the way back, we may try to go again. So much thanks & respect for the heroic efforts on that day.  Really moving to be there. 

In the meantime, thought I would take some time to reflect on this last week leading up to us going. In my last post, I spoke of the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4) and how I experienced this throughout our time "in--between."  Beautiful peace. However, this past week I experienced such a battle in getting this peace. I am well aware of spiritual warfare & also very aware that the enemy absolutely hates what we are doing. There was a heaviness that I experienced off and on this past week, and I know a battle was being waged. I knew it was so close, and therefore the heat was getting turned up in a variety of areas. I also live for a God that is so much bigger than all of these attacks and has already won the ultimate battle. Therefore, I have no need to fear. Our lives are in His powerful & victorious hands!  Amen!  BUT the battle is still hard and exhausting.  Praise The Lord that He is strength in our weakness. 

The root of one of these battles was fear. Fear of the unknown. I mean there are so many unknowns surrounding this that I don't even know where to start. On one of my fearful days in the midst of the wait, I had a prayer time of just confessing all of these fears that I was experiencing and asking the Lord to replace them by  verbalizing the truth. One of these fears was the fear of not really knowing Cai. He will be 11 months this week.  Now I definitely "knew" my biological children by this time...I knew them well. Adoption is just a whole different ball game. In my time of confessing with The Lord, this fear came out...this fear of not knowing him or knowing what he will want or being all that he will need. When I was thinking about the truth to replace this with, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I don't need to focus on knowing Micai. My eyes were in the wrong place. All I needed to know is Jesus. Jesus knows him & has been with him this whole time. The question was did I really trust that God would give me the wisdom and discernment needed to be a mama to this chosen boy?  My answer was, yes, i absolutely do. I just needed to start acting like it :) So, the truth is that I don't really know my son yet, but I do know the one who does :) All I need to do is to seek His face...He will guide me. Tears began to steam down my face. Freedom...beautiful freedom and peace that can only come from Jesus. An amazing lesson & truth I know He was teaching me to go back to in this transition.

This last week was a brutal wait. The most brutal that we have experienced. I read Psalm 62:5 at some point this week, and the Spirit prompted me and I found myself asking the question if whether my rest & hope were truly coming from Jesus...Jesus ALONE. No, it wasn't. I was putting my hope in getting an email stating our clearance. Once we got that, then I could rest. Totally not Biblical. I was once again on the line of idolatry. Oh, how I have been here so many times. I needed to flee. I began to ask for forgiveness and ask The Lord to help me to find my hope & rest in Him ALONE...nothing else. Lesson learned :) 

Every morning this past week we knew that if we did not receive an email by 9am, we probably wouldn't get one for the day due to the time difference. It would mean God was saying to wait...one more day at least. I woke up one morning, and we had not received any word once again. I don't think it was 9 yet, but I was hugely discouraged the moment I woke up. I almost felt as if God had forgotten. I knew this was not truth, but it's what it felt like. In my devotional that morning, one of the verses that was referenced was Isaiah 49:15-16 (last verse above). I began to get tears. He flat out says, "I will not forget you!". His word is life to us. I know many of the truths in His word, but sometimes you just need to read or hear it again, and it falls afresh and washes over us.  And sometimes it's some of the most familiar truths. Engraved on the palms of His hands...that's a deep remembrance. It blessed me and left me feeling especially remembered :) 

I was also reminded this week of the beauty of trials. There are so many things that I don't understand and so many things that I don't see...why they need to happen in the timing that they do, but I don't need to. The Bible teaches us that we don't need to and we can't understand. His thoughts & ways are higher than ours. Would we really want to serve a God that we could understand...then He wouldn't be God, would He?  Nope. I am gloriously ruined by trials. The ruined part...all of the yuck comes out and to the surface during them. I am talking about our sin. We often find out things about ourselves that are ugly as we react in ways that aren't God honoring. BUT the glorious part is that we are drawn closer to Him during this time...realizing our need for Him every hour, every minute, every second on those tough days. We are conformed into His image...glorious!

I really wanted to wait well. It was a fight to do this on some days and some days I did not do this well.  I truly felt what the verse above speaks of...my whole being waiting...I felt this to the core this past week.  I strived to put my hope in his word, and I hope with each opportunity to wait, I get a little better :) 

Thank you to all of you that stormed the throne on our behalf for us to receive clearance!  We cannot wait to reunite with our son...in awe thinking about it :) I will be posting frequently...as long as we have good Internet :) 

Here's a pic of us at the Dubai airport...for sure the most beautiful airport we have ever been to...this is inside the airport...not outside :) seriously a beautiful airport!

 

For now...Love from Dubai!  

The "In-Between"

Proverbs 24:12 - If you say, "Behold, we did not know this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?  Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?

It is crazy to me that we have been home & our "in-between" time has been almost 7 weeks. Part of me feels every day of this wait and another part is thankful that it happens to be a very busy season in our lives with ministry & summer in general...therefore making it seem to pass quickly. All in all, God has used this time to begin to peel the layers back from all that he was teaching us on our 1st trip. I still haven't processed through it all, but there are some things that have been revealed thus far. 

On our flight over to Ethiopia, Cole began reading David Platt's (rockstar preacher) new book, Follow Me.  I have not had the privilege of reading it yet, but there was something that struck Cole while reading Francis Chan's (another rock star preacher:) foreward. Francis Chan discussed how we, as Americans, pride ourselves with sitting through a church service & feeling "convicted."  We will say things to each other like, "that sermon really convicted me," or "God really convicted me in such a such an area today."  I believe the Bible is clear that conviction is from the Holy Spirit.  I experience it myself quite often.  However, Francis Chan makes a good point in saying that rarely when we receive "conviction" is there any action that follows. Whoa.  I am not sure if this is rocking you the way it did me, but I cannot get it out of my mind. It's huge, really. Is there really any point in conviction without action? There's not. It's not the way The Lord intended it to be.  Conviction is when something is revealed to us that we didn't realize before, and we can no longer say as the verse above says, "we did not know this." Conviction should bring about change...immediate change.  But...it doesn't always in so many of our lives...myself included.  We walk out of that church service and get in the way...we justify it away...sometimes even in discussing it with other beleivers to make ourselves feel better. It's sin.  Check out the way Francis Chan puts it... 

"I see a trend in many churches where people are beginning to enjoy convicting sermons. They walk out feeling broken over their sin.  The distorted part is that they can begin to feel victorious in their sadness.  They boast, "I just heard the most convicting message, and it ruined me!"  The focus is on the conviction itself and not the change it is meant to produce--change that doesn't necessarily follow when we stay focused on conviction."  Wow, right? 

Well, as we left Ethiopia, I still had this ringing in my ears, and while there a passionate follower of Jesus that I was blesse to meet, Michelle (girl on one of the Ordinary Hero missions trips), shared a verse that meant a lot to her at dinner with everyone one night. It was the verse above...Proverbs 24:12.  It spoke to me. After hearing this verse, I was convinced God was trying to get through to me as it went directly along with the whole conviction without action deal. It is so precious to me when God gives me these moments & glimpses of him & what He calls me to.  So, all of that to say that I am striving to die to not taking action when the Holy Spirit convicts and to truly live for action and laying down or changing whatever God is calling me to...immediately.  We came back knowing that we needed to make some changes. We could not come back and go back to "life as we knew it" after seeing what we had seen and after experiencing what God had privileged us to experience.  I am still praying and asking for these changes and the action we need to take to be revealed, and I am confident in time that it will be. 

Peace.  Something that I have experienced on different levels before, but this "in-between" time has brought it to a whole other level.  I am talking about the kind that surpasses all understanding. The kind I referenced in my last post in Philippians 4. I have found that it's not possible to experience this kind of peace unless the circumstances are tough. You have to put yourself out there.  Well, coming home, the circumstances were tough, and I am so excited to say that beautiful peace resulted.  Not a lot of anxiety or worry...but peace. It is so beautiful because it is so not of ourselves and so obviously God.  I mentioned in my last post that I felt God warning me not to make our son, Micai, an idol. I believe that the choice of striving for thankfulness (it was a battle at times) has kept me from this. God promises that the peace that surpasses all understanding will result, and it did.  What a beautiful gift. I am so thankful to be able to experience God in this way, and had we not had to leave I wouldn't have. God truly works for the good in ALL things (Romans 8:28). So very thankful. 

I thought I would close out with some fun pictures of the "in-between."  These made the wait so much better as Jesus worked through so many to encourage :) 

I finally got our COMPLETE family up on the wall :) I cannot express the joy that came over me when I added Cai's picture to the wall...still smiling :) 

An unexpected gift that moved me to tears from a precious friend :) She framed the picture of us meeting Micai for the 1st time.  Crazy thoughtful & special!  The frame reads... "when they placed you in my arms, you slipped into my heart."  Now you can see why there were tears :) 

This was a gift from my mom for the 17 hour flight home. This meant more than she'll ever know. Thanks, Mom!

My "Micai" charm. This was a gift from some precious friends that have been praying for Micai since before he was born. They have walked through this with me. Can't possibly put into words how much these girls and their thoughtfulness means to me! 

Kasen & Cai's room!  This room has such a story. When we 1st moved in this was a toy room. My heart ached as it was going to be a baby room but after 2 miscarriages, we made it the toy room. God brought beauty from the ashes & now there are 2 cribs!!!  I stood in amazement when we got Cai's crib in...beautiful tears of awe & joy :) Only Jesus :) It was so much bigger than I knew.  

We are so VERY blessed & thankful for all of the ways The Lord has used the "in-between" to shape & mold us into His image :) And the story the Lord has already written for us continues to unfold...